You Don’t Have to Be Your Mother
“This memoir tells the valiant and dramatic story of [Feldman’s] struggle to survive not only for herself, but for her child….Feldman convincingly describes the distinctive nature of breast cancer…Though Feldman’s story is special, her enterprising and lyrical writing style makes this memoir universal and vital.” Newsday
A memoir of three generations, all diagnosed with breast cancer.
My grandmother, whom I am named after, died of it aged fifty-six, before I was born; my mother, aged forty-seven; and I was found to have the disease when I was eight months pregnant.
“Dear Reader,
The pages you are about to begin contain my story, the story of a woman who has discovered that she has breast cancer. It is a story that spans generations of the past and the future — both my mother and my grandmother died young of cancer, and since I received my diagnosis while pregnant, this is also the story of the birth of my son.
It was for him, when he was just a few months old, that I initially began to write. Facing an uncertain future, I wanted him to have something of me, come what may. But after a while, I realized that I was also writing this for myself, for my family, and for other women and their families who — when faced with having to cope with breast cancer or its legacy in themselves or in those dear to them — might want to sit down with someone else’s story. For like the good that comes to us from talking with a close friend, reading about another person’s experience can bring comfort. It can help.
It’s been thirty-four years since I was diagnosed with cancer; I’ve undergone two mastectomies and my doctors tell me that I am cancer-free. I have the best thirty-four-year-old son in the world. I have been lucky that, when I needed them, people shared their stories with me, stories that I needed to hear. Now it’s my turn to share this one with you.”
— Gayle Feldman
Praise for You Don’t Have to Be Your Mother
“Uplifting” The Los Angeles Times
“Best kind of inspirational book.” Publishers Weekly
“Admirable…Reassuring…Moving.” The Washington Post Book World
“[An] uplifting memoir…[Feldman] is a lovely, modulated writer, capable of the understatement that is perhaps crucial to writing about this subject.” Los Angeles Times Book Review
“Feldman writes poignantly and beautifully.” The Philadelphia Inquirer
“Clear, brave…loving gift to readers.” Gloria Steinem
“A deeply moving and elegantly written story of a heroic woman who had to make a series of life-and-death decisions in the context of a grim family legacy and a child not yet born, and who did it with courage and grace. It will have great meaning not only to those women suddenly confronted with a breast cancer diagnosis but to anyone who has known the burden of living with a familial cancer threat. No reader can fail to be swept up by this powerful story.” Ruth Spear, Cofounder, NABCO (The National Alliance of Breast Cancer Organizations)